The Truth

The Truth (Merlin/Arthur episode warning for Ep10)


Merlin was shaking as he tried to dress himself. The words he’d overheard last night still echoed through his mind, Morgana’s whispered conversation with Gwen, “Arthur may act like he doesn’t care but he wouldn’t be here is he didn’t.” The idea that Arthur might feel that way about him made Merlin’s insides roll with excitement. There were so many emotions crowding him that he wasn’t even aware of Arthur speaking. It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his shoulder that he realised the crown prince was standing behind him. Turning, Merlin found himself gazing into Arthur’s eyes and found himself drowning in those open eyes, those eyes that spoke so much.



Arthur gave him a soft smile and speaking softly, he said, “You’re shaking.”



“I’m…” began Merlin blushing at the soft look Arthur was giving.


“It’s okay to be afraid, “murmured Arthur stepping closer.



His smile deepened as he reached past Merlin to lift the wrist guards. Without speaking Arthur caught Merlin’s left arm and carefully fitted the armour to the slim wrist. Merlin watched, trying desperately not to give way to the emotions flowing through him. He knew he should tell Arthur the truth, he knew that he should reveal the secret that lay at the very core of who he was. And yet he didn’t. He couldn’t.



Arthur reached past him again and pulled the second wrist guard off the table. As he caught Merlin’s right hand, Merlin mumbled, ”Arthur ...whatever happens out there please… don’t think any differently of me….”



“I won’t," promised Arthur without looking up.



He was concentrating intensely on fixing the straps. As the last one slid into place he looked up and smiled. Merlin held his gaze but he couldn’t bring himself to smile. He felt like he was crumbling on the inside and he knew he couldn’t tell Arthur why.



“It’s okay, Merlin,” soothed Arthur, keeping hold of Merlin's hand. Raising his other hand he gently caressed Merlin's cheek, murmuring softly, “I know you’ll be okay.”


"You do?!” breathed Merlin genuinely shocked.



“Yes,” chuckled Arthur fondly, “You might be an idiot, Merlin but you’re a good man. I trust you. I trust you completely.”



As Arthur looked at him, Merlin felt his heart explode with despair – he couldn’t tell Arthur the truth, not now. He couldn’t betray that open trust Arthur had just given him. It killed him but he knew that in order to save Arthur he had to continue to lie to him. And that knowledge destroyed him. He felt tears pricking his eyes and he went to turn away, ashamed of the emotions flooding his system.



Arthur watched the emotions flow over Merlin's face and misreading them totally, he tightened his hold on Merlin’s face. Turning the younger man back round, Arthur tenderly caressed Merlin's cheek with his thumb and murmured, ”Don’t be ashamed of being afraid, Merlin. Fear is natural. It’s what keeps you alive, keeps you safe…” his voice faded as his gaze locked with Merlin’s



For a moment the world seemed to stop. Nothing mattered, not the forthcoming battle, not the aftermath, nothing except there and then. With a slowness that was almost painful Arthur leant in and as his lips touched Merlin’s, he whispered, “It’s been an honour.”



“What?” asked Merlin breathlessly.



“An honour," purred Arthur softly as his body pressed against Merlin’s, their clasped hands trapped between them.



“Knowing you,” murmured Arthur, “Having you beside me, it’s been an honour.”



He hesitated for a moment his eyes flicking down to gaze at Merlin's lips and the way they parted slightly. Then without waiting he closed the gap between them and kissed him.



Merlin was frozen for a millisecond then he melted into the kiss, his free hand coming up to lace through Arthur’s blond hair. The kiss said everything they had never said to each other. It held everything they felt about each other and yet it was over almost before it had begun.



Arthur broke the kiss with a soft sigh. Visibly pulling himself together, Arthur said firmly, “We…we should finish getting ready, we don’t have long.”



Merlin just nodded, too stunned to speak. He was still shaken by the intensity of the kiss. Arthur took a step back then glancing at Merlin he held out his right hand. Merlin stared at it a moment then took it. As Arthur’s hand closed over his forearm, Merlin suddenly knew. He knew that he would do whatever it took to keep Arthur safe; that he would risk everything to keep Arthur safe. In that moment he suddenly realised the truth – he was ready, ready to die if it meant he could save Arthur.



FIN x